After a Binge ~ A Conversation

I  can’t believe I did it again.  What was I thinking? I am 31 years old! When does it stop??!!

It’s done. Forgive yourself.

What do I do now? I’m a fraud. I’m ridiculous…pathetic. I’m so tempted…

We don’t do that anymore.  You know that.

I’m scared. I’m frightened about what this means. I thought I was beyond this.

You’re going to have moments like this. Forgive yourself. Let love in. Let me in. Listen to me.

I can barely hear you. I need to breathe. I can’t hear you when I breathe deeply. This room feels so small.

I’ll wait for you. You’re worth waiting for.

This is what darkness feels like. It’s so much more than the absence of light; it is the absence of life! I don’t know who I am anymore.

You are love.  You are beauty. You are compassion.

I can hear you. I know what you say is true, but I can’t do it right now.  I just can’t do it right now…

You’ll discover I am a model of patience.

How can I pretend to help anyone else when I can’t help myself? Who do I think I am?

You are an innocent child of God who has forgotten, for a moment, who she is. You help countless others with your honesty, your kindness and your wisdom. Remember where you were and then see how far you have come. This is a lesson in forgiveness my child, nothing more.  You are learning well.

I cannot cry about this anymore. There’s too much to do. I’m a mother, a wife, a friend.

Be a friend to yourself.

I hear you.

Ask for help.

Do I really deserve it though after what I’ve done?

Yes. Ask for help.

“Please help me remember who I am. May I forgive myself. May I begin to see myself with the eyes of Love. May my hunger be fed, my mind cleansed, my spirit renewed.”

And so it is…

I feel it. It’s starting.  This is what light feels like….a gentle swaddle of Love.  I remember  now.  It’s good to be back.

Danielle, you never left.

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3 Comments

  1. Hi Danielle,
    I love your blog, and this entry was so inspiring and something I can deeply relate to… you ARE so strong and beautiful, and I know by helping yourself you are helping me and everyone else who is lost and seeking the light. It is a magical healing cycle of love, this is what I’ve come to believe. This cycle keeps me going, and you are a big light in the dark sky. Keep shining
    Danielle G

    Reply
    • Wow! Thank-you!! That means a lot xo

      Reply

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