Back to Square One…well maybe Square Three.  I have decided to start over…

In November of 2010 I began “A Course in Weight Loss” by Marianne Williamson.  It’s 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever.  I admit to you all now I started this book under false pretenses.  I may have made it seem like I wanted to lose weight, but it turns out I wanted no such thing.  It turns out I had become comfortable at my “new normal”.  Between June 2010 until November of the same year I had lost 40lbs.  Sweet right?!  I was psyched.  Of course I still have 40 more to go…

But part of me wanted to celebrate this feat!  40 pounds!!!  I’ve never lost that much weight by making healthy changes!  Purging and starving myself have been my usual MO.  Can’t we stay here for a while?  I like it here.  It’s comfy.  I wear a normal size now. I’m not thin enough to be threatening and not big enough to be shameful.  It’s a middle ground.  I like middle grounds.  I’m not sure if I’m ready to be thin…not sure I’m ready for what that means.  What’s expected of me as a thin person?  What will I focus on if my weight is no longer an issue?  I’m not ready…

Enough already!  No more ego B.S.  It’s time to bring all the pieces together.  Thin-Me has been WAY too patient.

I’ll be sharing this journey with you all lesson by beautiful and empowering lesson.  I believe in this book, I really do.  That’s why I’m so excited and also, if I’m honest, really f-ing scared…

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