So I’m doing a course called Overcoming Negativity Addiction with Denise Coates. I love it. It’s helpful and healing beyond words. I was listening to the recording of the latest class the other day and Denise and another woman were talking about getting triggered and having our feelings hurt. As I listened I thought to myself: Well, I certainly get triggered, but no one’s hurt my feelings in a long time. That’s pretty great. I must be mastering this shit!!
You already know where this is going right?
Fast-forward 2 hours and I’m picking up my daughter from school. She had a class trip that day so they returned to the school later than usual. I had my son in the car, feeling great, feeling on top of things…heck!…I was even *early* to pick her up!! Or so I thought…. Turns out that even though I thought I was 10 minutes early, I was actually 20 minutes late. One of the teachers on the trip who was with my daughter spared no time in admonishing me: Hadn’t I read the note? Didn’t I see the newsletter? I was confused. I had looked at the original permission form and it said 2:45. Well, it got changed. And if that wasn’t enough, how could I have possibly thought it was a good idea to send her on a trip in shorts with a belt??!! She can’t do that up herself!
Wow. My good, confident mood vanished in an instant. I was taken off-guard, defensive and upset. I took my children’s hands and got the heck out of there with a “Sorry about that.” and a “thank-you”. My words were civil. My energy was not. How could she do that to me? Where was her understanding? Where was her kindness? Where was her compassion??!!
All good questions. Here’s another one: where was mine? It was HOT that day. There were nearly 100 5 year olds on this trip. Who wouldn’t be a little miffed at a late parent?
I cried the whole way home. It felt good to release those feelings. I was hurt. And even as I shed the tears, I knew I would forgive her. I knew I would forgive myself. That’s what this life is all about right?! I called this in the minute I sat there and declared to the Universe that I obviously had all this spiritual stuff figured out. And that’s ok.
I got home, called a friend who let me vent for exactly 30 seconds before reminding me of my unity with this teacher. I went upstairs and sat down and breathed. “I know I am not upset for the reason I think. This teacher and I both acted out of pain today. All pain is the same. We are both innocent at our root. God help me to see our innocence. Help me to remember that only love is real. I release this situation to You. I ask for a miracle. Amen.”
Lesson learned. Again. Amen.