We all have a safe space to dwell that holds us and keeps life predictable. At least this is how we perceive it. To experience something over and over again does not, in fact, make it safe or predictable. It makes it yours. It’s what you’ve come to know. And until you’re willing to look at what possibly lies above and beyond, you cannot truly know what is best.
Do we ever know what’s best? I feel like I’m a pretty intelligent person, but I make questionable choices all the time. When I work from a space of fear, I act as if I’m unloved, malnourished and two steps away from bankruptcy. It’s delusional and it doesn’t serve me. This is how I feel about our so-called “routines”. There’s a closed-off, shut-down energy to that. As if we’re saying: ‘No thanks! I’ve got this. I don’t need to see what else there is.” We walk around walled-in and afraid.
And it’s all about intention. If it is my intention for everything to stay the same then I, unconsciously or not, walk around with a fear that everything will change. I spend all my energy trying to keep things the same…acting as if everything is perfect and scared shitless that everyone will discover it isn’t. We’re insane. God love us.
My intention is to be soft. I understand that I don’t know what’s best for me. I forget sometimes, but I’m willing to be reminded. It’s my intention to be open to possibilities. I trust that the right people and situations will show up in my life so that I can learn what I need to in order to heal. As I heal, I heal others. I know this.
It’s too easy to become addicted to the safe space. And do you get the sense that it isn’t even real? Our safety lies in an idea, a concept so far beyond our current state of mind and yet it’s also painfully close. It is who we are. Safety is our truth and I just feel like we won’t find it bumbling around in the dark, clinging to the walls and doors that we know. We need help. We need light. Therein lies our safe space. Therein lies the truth.
Beyond what I think I know is a world I do not. I welcome all that is helpful. I am willing to change.