idwthiwm

“It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.” ~Dick Cavett

Lately I have had to face and listen to a lot of things that I have not wanted to face and/or listen to.  It’s as if a dam has been broken and I am struggling to keep my head above water amid the flood.  I am swimming in all the things I have been longing to avoid.  And yet when we ask to grow, when we ask to heal, all the gunk at the bottom of the river must rise to the surface.

I am cleaner for it.  I am clearer for it.

It was painful.  I wanted to drown out the noise and keep my hand across my eyes.  Fear ran through my veins and beat loudly in my heart.  I was taken over, taken down.  I was not beaten though.  Rising up, with tear-stained cheeks and a long deep breath, I smiled.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

And I’m still wading through it.  I am treading as best I can and, at times, gasping for air.  Spirit is keeping me afloat and all the while hinting that there is no water to drown me.  One day I’ll see it.  One day I’ll know.

For now though, I see that I can face things I don’t want to face.  I can hear things I don’t want to hear.  I am built for it.  Strong and resilient, gentle and nurturing I stand.  Ready, willing and loved.

I have begun to let go.

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