And I am. I feel a little silly even admitting this, but I am genuinely interested in what leads someone to conclude there is no God? But hey, what led me to conclude there is? Touché, inner adversary, touché.

When I hear about a friend or acquaintance who is an atheist I feel a bit like that married woman trying to fix up her husband’s single friend. “He just hasn’t met the right person. When he does, he’ll be happy!” OMG. I can feel myself mentally going there… “Oh, if so-and-so only believed in a Higher Power, all would be well!”

I remember reading somewhere that an Atheist, at least, has made a decision about God while there are so many of us who rarely even think about the subject. We just go through the daily grind like robots, never questioning, never raising our eyes to look about us. It’s a good point.

What led me to believe in a Higher Power were a series of very personal experiences that are not easy to describe. I’ve been brought to my knees a time or two and throughout those times I have felt an unshakeable force within that wills only to love without limit. This has been my journey.

So who the heck am I to judge anyone else’s journey? In a word: nobody.

And that’s the thing that is hardest to admit: I don’t know anything. I think I know what works for me, but even that is murky. It’s the state of unknowing that keeps me humble, keeps me surrendering and allows me to learn and love without judgment. Honestly though, I am aware of this but it’s like a gym membership: sure, I carry it with me, but I am soooo resistant to using it.

I suppose it’s not just Atheism that fascinates me, it’s spiritual beliefs in general. I love to hear what helps people. What brings us out of the dark and into brighter days?

Anyone who has dealt with sickness, with depression, with just a string of really shitty days, has a story to tell. And I’m always willing to listen. That’s my job…not: “Oh! You should try X!”. Just listen. I can learn so much from this, I think. As I’ve said here before, I can learn from anyone.

Sometimes I will feel moved to speak up and say something, but for the most part I think it best -at this point anyway- to just shut the f*#k up for a while.

With love, of course. Always with love.

And I won’t stop writing. That’s just silly. 😉

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