I’ve spent a lot of time lately trying to make things happen. While wanting to surrender some things, I’ve been white-knuckled, bat-shit crazy about holding on to others. And in the middle of that I have neglected myself.
But I can feel that gentle shift, as if I’ve just turned a corner down a lane lined with weeping willows and sun-spotted skies. It’s enough now. No more clutching tightly, no more tears of frustration. It’s enough now.
I am a mother and I know how to take care of people. I know intuitively when to swoop in with a hug and a string of reassuring words. I know when to give silent space with little more than a nod and a smile.
But when it comes to myself and my own emotions, I’m so often overwhelmed. There’s so much guilt, shame and panic. I have forgotten how to talk to myself, how to calm myself down.
I need help. I need to grasp the hand that has held me all this time. I need to acknowledge it, welcome it, embrace it. I need help.
It’s important I remember that I am not alone, no matter how strong the silence can seem. I am supported, surrounded, uplifted. I am loved.
So for right now I will just keep walking. I will keep walking and reaching for the hand that wills only that I remember peace. I can do that. I can do this.