Telling Stories

Telling Stories

There’s a meme out there that says something along the lines of: “I’m always writing a story in my head.” This is my experience. I play out the life around me in my head to experience, to understand, to foster compassion. This, for me, is part of the process in making peace with the chaos. It’s my nature, unearthed at thirty, only to be shed sometime down the line. But until then… I am a storyteller, fearless in my willingness to share what feels kind, necessary and true. My friend, Elise Ballard, and I have spoken about this at length. She concurs that some of us don’t have a choice really. There is this inner drive to relate, to take what is stewing in my belly and serve it up as words. How many times have I breathed a sigh of relief after hearing the experiences of someone else who has been where I am when I thought I was strange? “Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone.” ~ Alan Watts We all have our ways of navigating this world. We all help one another. I truly believe this because even the people who piss you off are waking you up. They are shining a light on something within you that has the potential to be healed. And I- I write about it all. This journey inward is not easy. In fact, it’s really fucking uncomfortable. I had been living for years being nice. It was my default. It saved me from having to look too deeply...
Miracles and Relationships

Miracles and Relationships

  I’ve had some clients whom I’ve worked with going through divorces (before, during and after). You’d think it would have prepared me a bit for my own, and I suppose it did, but when these things happen to you it’s different. It’s deeper and certainly feels more real. I am fortunate though. My ex and I communicate very well. It’s easy. And though it took a while to disentangle from one another (we were always good friends) we’ve come to the point of being simply supportive co-parents. But I have clients reach out to me from time to time where this is not the case. I am so loathe to give advice here. I prefer to do it one on one with clients. It feels cleaner to me, more focused. We can speak openly and honestly, leaving judgment at the door. This is what I will attempt to do. I often start by asking clients to look at their communication with their former spouse. Really look at it. Now, how much of it has to do with the children and how much of it has to do with you….with your life, your past, your new partner, your choices, defending yourself? Be honest here. This will give you an idea of where your focus truly is. This shit is so hard. There is so much at play here….guilt, shame, blame, hurt, pain, feeling misunderstood etc etc etc. You may say “But my ex is constantly attacking me! I need to defend myself.” So here, as a Course student, you could turn to Lesson 135 “If I defend myself, I am attacked.” Ask Spirit’s guidance...
When I Get Lost

When I Get Lost

For a minute there, I got lost… I trust so easily sometimes. I slip and slide into that which I do not want and it’s days gone by before I realize I am somewhere else, somewhere I never desired to be. I open up without a care. I invite those from hither and yon into my yard before I finally see the crowd has grown too large and I have no more to give. For a minute there, I lost my way… There used to be a gatekeeper between my brow and my crown. Where has she flown off to? I used to keep a compassionate distance between my heart and theirs. It narrowed until it disappeared. And now I’m here in the midst of a life I do not care to live. But I will let it go. Because the distance is imagined just as all boundaries are. And the only thing I require is kindness. Kindness to direct me, connect and protect me. So when I get lost I ask, “What is the kindest thing to do here?” And then I can trust. I can open up. Kindness is my gatekeeper and my reminder that I am enough, exactly as I am. Here and now. Just as I am: The whole, the we, the everafter. No separation, no suffering, no shit. <deep breath>...
Just for Today

Just for Today

Just for today I will commit to FUN…to laughter, to turning my face to the sun. Just for today I will let go…I will breathe deeply, allow and flow. Just for today I will see love in all…in the grace of a moment, the rise and the fall. Just for today I will forgive…I will be a witness, I will live and let live. And I will bring with me nothing but a willingness to see…surrender all I think that I need. Just for today. A way To peace. Suffering ceased. Just for today. Joy, just for the sake of joy. Oh boy. ♥ Flickr...
Walk Me Home

Walk Me Home

“We’re all just walking each other home.” ~Ram Dass Our common thread is our light, the light of God.  The connection between us is overwhelmingly palpable at times, and yet at others it is painfully out of reach.  The yearning to be loved, to be noticed, to be understood is so human and yet so far from who we really are.  Spirit is.  It just is.  But that just seems too simple.  We keep believing happiness must be much more complicated than that. And so we judge.  We compare, make fun and accuse.  We, forgetting our unity, try to “get ahead” to prove our worthiness.  We try to win points with God while He’s decided long ago we are equal.  We are so blind, so unaware, so asleep. It takes courage to wake up.  And it takes compassion to remember we all wake up in our own ways.  What would bring me to my knees may be merely a bad day for you.  And what would fill you up to your most joyous full could simply make me smile.  Such is the nature of this world.  A swirling swamp of highs and lows designed to keep us busy.  But it can carry us home too… You are the dreamer.  You are the decider.  By giving each hurt, each high, each sweetheart and each nasty guy over to the Light you awaken.  We are teachers and we are students.  We learn from one another.  We huddle together in a loving embrace keen on being reminded.  We are all simply walking each other home. Take my hand. And I’ll take yours....
How Getting Sick Taught Me to Lighten the Heck Up

How Getting Sick Taught Me to Lighten the Heck Up

I’ve been sick since Friday morning.  Barely able to eat (though I just managed to eat some macaroni…yay!), sleeping constantly and feeling very drained.  It has made me appreciate the lightness that is health.  I feel like I did when I was pregnant.  And while I love my 2 babies like there’s no tomorrow, let me put it this way: Please. God. No.  When I was pregnant I was nauseous and exhausted for 3 months straight.  I know this isn’t unusual, but it sucked.  A lot. Anyways, I was feeling like that again.  I haven’t been sick like that since I was pregnant, but this time I really didn’t feel sorry for myself.  I went to bed and I rested.  I gave thanks for the times I feel really vibrant and healthy which is MOST of the time!  I also gave thanks to myself for carrying my 2 children while feeling so crappy.  Yes, they are totally worth it, but again…it sucked.  A lot. Being sick has also been teaching me to Lighten the Heck Up.  So I share with you here some things you may not know about me.  Let’s nourish ourselves with some silliness shall we? – I laugh when people fall down.  Keep in mind, I’ll always make sure they’re ok, but…I laugh first. – Arrested Development and Ricky Gervais make me pee my pants!  Granted, I’ve given birth to 2 children so that’s not hard to do, but still!  Very funny. – I love wine.  I know quite a bit about it too, but love learning more.  I often wish that it didn’t make me tipsy so...