Tag Archives: remembering

If I’m Not Careful

If I’m not careful I could slip and fall
I could
fall backwards and forget.
I could forget how to just be,
if I’m not careful.
I could start to believe again
that I can do this on my own
that I don’t need help
that I know all I need to know.
I could,
if I’m not careful.
I could lose myself again
to that swirling storm of thoughts
that leave me frantic
eyes frosted over
breath quickening.
I could slip.
I could.
But I choose Love.
And I’m careful not to believe the fear.
Not this time.
Not this time.
I choose Love.

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Where I End and Begin

I believe that in the beginning we are wise. We all come to this world knowing everything.  We know about the Laws of the Universe.  We know about the true nature of Love.  Most of us though, forget.  I know I did.

Somewhere along the way I lost who I was.  I forgot that I was guided by the loving hand of Spirit and I fell into the desperate, hungry hands of ego.  This manifested for me, as a continual need for approval and praise.   I wanted to know I was perfect.  I wanted to hear that I was loved.  I was willing to be whoever you wanted me to be.  You need only say the word. 

I could be smart, but not too smart.  I could be pretty, in a pleasing way.  I could play a game, but let you win.  All I would ask for in return, is that you think me wonderful, beautiful and all that you ever needed in this world!  I longed to be special.  I wanted to be required.

And so slowly it wore me down.  I began to realize that I was so busy trying to be someone else, I had no idea who I was.  This didn’t lead me into a journey of self-reflection.  Oh no.  It only made me more desperate.  I needed more control.  I would take the reins from here.  I would mold myself into something palatable…something regular…something safe.  It’s too dangerous to be oneself.  It’s much too risky to put your own foot forward.  You may get stepped on.

  Eventually though, I got tired.  After a decade and a half, I crumbled.  It became so difficult to remember who to be in certain company.  I would trip up.  The insincerity would seep out.  I needed to get back to where I started.  It was time to get back to who I was. 

And this is the work.  This is what I do everyday.  With my mind focused on love and forgiveness, I dig through the crap to reveal the beauty that was there all along.  I sift through the soot and raise up the real me.  And so where I end will be where it all began, and I will remember again who I was and always will be.

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