An Offer of Love

An Offer of Love

I dangle neatly between love and fear all the time. I have perched myself on a pendulum so that I may swing back and forth at will. And that’s an important point: at will. One of the lessons that is clear as day, in my face right now is how important it is- how...
As a Child Speaks

As a Child Speaks

Because he has this knack for speaking from his heart and because he means no harm, it’s hard not to fall in love with him. This child with hopes so simple and sweet. Ever since the moment I laid eyes on my son, I could feel a visceral connection. He knows when...
Helping Her Let Go

Helping Her Let Go

“Have you seen them together?” she asked with false innocence. I had been expecting the inquiry—dreading it really. I was between two friends in that awkward way. I had known them as a couple. They had broken up. She still carried a torch for him. He had moved...
If Something Needs To Leave You

If Something Needs To Leave You

If something needs to leave you, you have to let it go. And you will. One way or another, that which must go will go. I married my best friend. We met when we were fourteen years old and began dating at seventeen. In many ways, we grew up together. His family became...
She Stole

She Stole

You are not alone, sweet one. Though you doubt yourself most terribly and build such glamourous walls. I am with you. You watch with hungry eyes and stalk with a fragile cunning. I know this. I know you. You are not alone. Though time and bodies separate us and fate...
Where the Love Is

Where the Love Is

Her voice was muddled by dreamsleep, but I heard the words nonetheless “This is where the love is…”. She had that look of peace about her. The one that melts me every time. The one that helps me feel less like a mother who can never get it right and...
Let Go. Be Dragged.

Let Go. Be Dragged.

  The sun above us was a blessing and a curse. For me, freckled and pale, the sun had been a foe since childhood. For my children, it was the promise of another long day at the beach. We were here- feet in the wet sand, wind blowing hard as it does on the Bruce...
A Winter Memory

A Winter Memory

  I kicked at the frozen slush behind my front tire with force. It fell and crumbled onto my still snow-covered driveway. I was a lazy shoveler and the only one who suffered for it was me. It was a full-on effort to park my car on the snowy incline every day, but...
The Reach Within

The Reach Within

That reach…that ever-present longing for what feels apart from myself… I used to live reaching everyday. I used to pine for approval and safety on a moment-to-moment basis, but no more. Now those feelings are fewer, but they still happen. They rise up...
The Wait

The Wait

“I just feel like a big, fat liar,” I told her. I used silly words on purpose. They disguised the lump in my throat. My friend beheld me lovingly. We sat on the grass with no blanket beneath us. Her high wooden fence provided an imaginary privacy. Our...
Ending a Marriage, Saving the Love

Ending a Marriage, Saving the Love

So yesterday I did an interview with one of my dearest friends in the world, Macha Einbender for herfuture.com. It’s raw and honest and, hopefully, helpful. The truth of my marriage ending is that my former husband is a gay man. A conclusion we both came to in...
My Detour into Crazy Town

My Detour into Crazy Town

Two nights ago I took a detour into Crazy Town. You know, one of those nights where one fearful thought is allowed to fester and grow until you’re ranting and raving about things and people you cannot control, seeking out reasons to get upset, looking at things...