I’ve been training with a Master Psychic/Shaman for a few months now. I love it. I love being introduced to worlds and things I never knew existed. There are other ways of looking at the world that don’t include doubt and cynicism, but instead consist of mysticism, ritual and love. There is nothing to fear here. It’s just using a different sense. We go on feeling. We trust our instincts. We open ourselves up to truth and to compassion.
I am learning a lot about myself too. There has always been an element of the “dark” about me…like I could slip into a deep sadness at any given moment. I prefer moonlight to sunlight, rainy days to sunny and deep, mournful tunes to pop. I can be very intense and serious (and, in turn, take myself way too seriously!). All of this came through my teacher and all of it made sense. What also came through was that this is not the whole picture. I am meant for joy and abundance. We all are. And so this is my goal, my lesson in life. I am to seek out ways to reveal the joy within. It is time for me to face my fears.
“Ok,” I said to my teacher, “How do I do that?”. “By connecting with your beloved,” she said. “Pray. Meditate. Be in the sunlight, and oh!” she said. “Do you have mala?”
I didn’t. I did, however, know where I could get some.
I received Kiwi Jasper. The beads are seriously beautiful and I know I’ve got the perfect ones for me. Here’s the description: This mala facilitates shamanic journeys and recalls dreams. It absorbs negative energy and gives protection, it will cleanse and align chakras and aura which in turn balance yin and yang.
Pretty damn near exactly what I was looking for….to balance the light and the dark…to be protected…to transmute the negative back into love. And remembering dreams would be sweet! So often I dream and forget.
So I’m trying it out. I pray with my mala, meditate with my mala, sleep with my mala. Slowly the light is coming on. During a few meditations I’ve had visions. I see myself honing my crafts and receiving loads of love and abundance. This makes me happy, but for a split second there is fear. And then I can’t shake it. So this is it. This is what I’m afraid of? Am I seriously afraid of my desires coming to fruition? Yep.
I’m comfortable in hiding. There’s a modicum of peace in keeping quiet. Who is served by it though? What I am learning is that when I am living in joy, I spread that. I move toward things that bring me more joy. I offer it to others in every way. There’s nothing to fear. Indeed this is how the work of Love is done. When I am joyful, I am open to the love & the beauty that longs to be expressed through me. I hold it back no longer. I surrender to it. I allow.
I like this way of living. It’s not about seeking something that is elusive; it’s about revealing the joy that was there all along. And through prayer, meditation and connection with Spirit, I can live in that divine place all day long. I can be it. It is me.
Check out www.lovetinydevotions.com for more information on Mala Beads and to purchase your very own beautiful Mala.
Here’s something I know for sure is true: when I am not doing what is in alignment with my talents and values I experience pain. Sometimes it’s a dull ache in my gut and other times it’s a full-out tornado in my chest making me weep, tearing me up. And I think: Why do I do this?…why do I think I deserve to live like this?
Two years ago I decided I was done with living like that. I declared my willingness to follow the intuition I had buried beneath reason and responsibility. It was enough already. Out beyond the safety of benefits and a pension lay a life of risks and unknowns. Perhaps it wasn’t rational, but it was required.
My soul was crying and it was time to listen.
And two years later I sit here and type this as a more peaceful, more loving, more confident person. I have unearthed talents I never knew I possessed. I have met people who have changed my life in the most beautiful ways. I am a better mother, wife and friend. In short, I am happier. I’d love to tell you that it’s easy to live like this, and sometimes it is, but it still takes commitment. It still takes faith and a willingness to be open.
It’s not a safe way to live unless you trust. And I do. I trust in a benevolent universe that loves me, guides me. I know that if I surrender to what yearns within me, I will be carried gently to its fruition. It’s not just me seeing these things through. I am loved and I am never alone.
And that dull ache or the full-out tornado is so rare, so fleeting. It’s almost like it’s not real. It’s as if somehow, some way, only Love is real. And really, where’s the pain in that?
I did not know how bad it had gotten. I did not know.
How starved my spirit had become, I did not know.
How shallow was my breathing, I did not know.
How bland was the food I ate, I did not know.
How cut off from love I was, I did not know.
And then my soul craved beauty…
So slowly, slowly I began to awaken to a world that had beat on all the while…all the while I fitfully slept. It shone and it danced.
Here the food was bright, healthy and delicious. Here were gentle friends with a ready smile and open arms. Here money came easily and was given away with an open heart and unyielding faith. Here feelings were felt and then released for all knew only love is real.
And I knew this was right. I knew this was true. That this is how the world works and always has. That you are loved and valued for exactly who you are. That you are supported through wind and rain, through pleasure and pain, through all your soul calls forth.
And I sighed with relief. For though I had been asleep these 30 years, I had awoken to the beauty that had rocked me all this time. And I was forgiven.
For a second there I forgot myself. For a mere moment, it slipped my mind. Who I am. Why I am here.
This past weekend was a blur of activity. I embraced it. This is a switch for me, but a good one. I used to be overwhelmed by the prospect of many people, going to different places, getting it all done. It would cripple me. I would want to feign sickness. “Just go on without me,” I’d say. And then I would curl up in the safety of my bed knowing they were better off leaving me at home.
No more though. I live in a flow. I live in the flow…the flow that is carrying me to and through my greatest good. But for a second there I forgot. I got caught up in the fervour of other people’s energy. It is quite contagious! It was glorious, fun and tiring. I forgot. I neglected to remember that I can be me in the midst of it all…that I can be in constant contact with my truth and still enjoy a day.
Then that voice within said: “Slow down. Listen.”
I was scattered….moving too fast. It got away from me.
Lesson learned. This is why I am here. This is why we are all here! To be our whole selves at all times and to show each other what that means for us. I look at you and smile and we know that we’re in this together. We are living a life filled with joy and truth. And you wink at me and I laugh softly. I forgot myself, but you my friend, you reminded me.