Love You

Love You

If I could tell him one thing, it would be this: be who you are, now.  I can tell him, but not without that lingering notion that I don’t really mean it. I can tell him, but not yet without the tears in my eyes. If I could say one last thing, it would be this:...
My First Anniversary

My First Anniversary

I had almost forgotten that tomorrow, June 13th, is a special day.  Tomorrow is my anniversary.  Tomorrow will mean that I have not binged or purged for one full year. I expected to feel thrilled by this, but I don’t. Last summer, as I tallied up the days and...
I Don’t Want To Hear It

I Don’t Want To Hear It

“It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.” ~Dick Cavett Lately I have had to face and listen to a lot of things that I have not wanted to face and/or listen to.  It’s as if a dam has been broken and I am struggling to...
Gravy

Gravy

“We can figure this out,” I said to the man before me and then felt a gentle tug in the back of my mind. Not really, it said. And it was just this morning that I understood.  When I attempt to “figure out” something that is not working, not...
Peace is What I Want

Peace is What I Want

I’m ok, you know?  Well maybe you knew that all along.  Maybe, if you know me, you think: “That Danielle, she’s ok.”  I have to admit however, that most of the time, me being ‘ok’ is news to me.  Sure, intellectually I know...
Same Mistakes

Same Mistakes

Please baby girl, don’t make the same mistakes as me. And I cannot help but feel it is a selfish plea.  I would suffer.  I would suffer to see her float aimlessly through life looking for love in all the places it is not.  But who am I to judge her journey?  Who...
I Opened Up

I Opened Up

I opened up.  And all those things I hid for so long came out, came pouring out.  I just kept talking for fear of stopping and not saying it all.  I just kept going.  It was awkward and it was strained, but that’s how freedom starts.  There’s pressure,...
Sharing My Dark

Sharing My Dark

I was inspired by a dear friend to share my darkness here today. It occurs to me that I spend a lot of time and energy trying to hide these things and so I look forward to the lightness and the freedom that will follow. I do look at my darkness daily. I share it with...
Let Me Remember

Let Me Remember

My life is a teeter-totter of perfection and unworthiness.  It’s actually pretty funny to witness.  I’m amazing, I suck.  I’m the best, I’m the freakin’ worst.  I’m hot as hell, I’m oh God who is *that*?! And so on.  You get...
How Compassion Feels

How Compassion Feels

I like how compassion feels.  I love the light within and around it.  I love the promise it holds…the unity that is implied. If compassion could speak, what would it say?  Perhaps it would stay quiet.  Yes, I think it would.  Compassion would silently smile and...
Rest in Love

Rest in Love

In one moment all seemed lost.  I took the opinion of one person and ran with it.  My mind took me through the depths of the worst-case scenario.  It helped me set up camp there and rest.  Although I’m not sure I can really call that rest.  I stayed there and...