The Path Out of Panic

The Path Out of Panic

And it was out of the blue that I saw it. A spark, clear and bright. Brief in its appearance, gentle in its message. The truth of it burned into my brain like a brand: I was afraid. “Why does this always surprise me? Why do my eyes sting with the realization...
Shadowboxing

Shadowboxing

All the words within me are hiding behind curtains, clinging hard to the fabric- unwilling to show their faces. I want to shake them. There are times when I am so sick and tired of fear, of pretending, of shallowness clothed in martyrdom. I rage against it....
One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million different...
Crushed.

Crushed.

Crushed. Between waves, between shores. We have been crushed. Bordering two thoughts: One a pull-under into dark and frightening waters, The other a graceful release to the Light. Created in a faceless void of longing, we wade. Yet it’s all a dream, a...
Another Peak to Climb

Another Peak to Climb

Just when I think I’ve climbed the mountain, the clouds part to reveal another peak. But I want to sleep. I want to hide. I want to retreat into my cave of comfort and pretend: there is no change, no challenge, no fire-breathing dragon at my back. I’m...
Two Voices

Two Voices

There are two voices in our heads. I know it may seem like there’s a whole circus of them in there, but in my -albeit limited- experience, there are just two. Let’s start with the shitty one. The one that tells you how limited you are, how unlovable, how...
Those Lessons with Layers

Those Lessons with Layers

My friend walked beside me, protectively. He always insisted on walking on the side closest to the road- said his mother taught him that. I appreciated the gesture. It was something I never thought about unless I was with my children and that felt more like a frantic...
Afraid of Love

Afraid of Love

We walked the local Rail Trail, my friend and I, an old railroad path connecting Hamilton to Brantford, Canada. The trees were a tall, sheltering canopy from the early September sun above us, leaves still mostly green and rustling in the subdued wind. I was anxious...
Two Women, a Margarita and the Truth

Two Women, a Margarita and the Truth

I want a margarita,” I said slapping my hand down on the counter in my old friend’s kitchen. She turned to look at me, amused and raised an eyebrow. “It’s that kind of afternoon, is it?” I nodded, pouting wordlessly. My friend shook her...
A Way

A Way

  He sees more than he says and feels much more than he’d ever confess, but there’s a way to him. There’s a way through the vines and the steel, straight into a soul he claims will never heal. ‘I like the sadness,’ he says. ‘It suits me.’ It suits him until his...
The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done

The hardest thing that I have ever done and continue to do is to be honest: Honest about what drives me, about what frustrates me, about how I go about getting what I want. And being honest with myself is often way more difficult than being honest with others. I do...
When I Get Lost

When I Get Lost

For a minute there, I got lost… I trust so easily sometimes. I slip and slide into that which I do not want and it’s days gone by before I realize I am somewhere else, somewhere I never desired to be. I open up without a care. I invite those from hither...